When someone makes us really angry, we usually think harshly about that person, sometimes playing those negative thoughts like a record, over and over again in our heads. If we’re not careful, we may dwell in the anger, telling the story of how we were done wrong, so others will take our side. This sends us into a downward spiral of negativity, which can create tense muscles, increase stomach acidity, raise blood pressure, and keep us from thinking positively, potentially causing aches and pains, ulcers, heart disease and even cancer.

Think about someone who has made you furious, and notice how it makes your body feel. Now think about someone you truly love and appreciate, and notice how you feel. Different, right? If those thoughts can impact your body that quickly, just imagine how ruminating on anger for hours, days, weeks, or even years, can create havoc on your body.

Forgiveness can be one of the most difficult challenges in our lives, but if we want to be truly healthy and happy, we must forgive the people who have hurt us. We must forgive them, even if they were wrong — even if they deserve to suffer our wrath. Why? Because, as Lewis Smedes said, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

Meditation is a great way to overcome anger. When you’re ready to forgive, (and you may have to push yourself a little, remembering that you’re doing it more for yourself than the other person), close your eyes, focus on your breath, and notice your feelings. Be curious about the emotions that come up during your meditation. Look at them as though they are interesting. You may find a deeper reason than you realized, as to why you feel so angry. Perhaps it’s reminding you of another situation in your life?

Take time to ask yourself what lesson(s) you can learn from your situation. Come up with something more than the fact that the perpetrator is a horrible person. Look deep and you will find a lesson.

Next, feel sorry for the person you’re angry with. They had something going on in their life, that led them to do what they did. Not giving them an excuse, but somehow bringing yourself to a place of compassion. Do this for your own good.

Once you feel compassion, hope, wish, or pray that they receive whatever it is they need to be okay enough that they won’t repeat their inappropriate behavior. Your thought can be as simple as, “I wish them well.”

Every time you start thinking negatively about that person, replace your thoughts with, “I wish them well” (or an equivalent), and turn your thoughts elsewhere. Think of something that makes you happy, or focus on a project.

You don’t need to become best friends with your perpetrator. Just coming to a place where you can think about them without it affecting you, can be enough to have a huge impact on your mental and physical health.

As Confucius said, “To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it.”

Turn your face to the sun and the shadows will fall behind you.” These words were going through my head, like a mantra, during a run I took recently. I ran as a way of helping myself work through the pain of learning that a very dear girlfriend had passed away just hours before Sept. 9. This quote was one that my friend used a lot during her last months here on earth.

She was in her early 50s (my age), funny, witty, a very bright spirit who truly wanted to be of service to her friends, and to humanity. I met her about seven years ago when I worked at the Y as an exercise trainer for people with cancer. This was an amazing experience, as I worked with some of the most courageous people I’ve ever met.

The group met at the Y, twice a week, to exercise under my direction. It was sponsored through the cancer center, and was a fantastic program. It was free for anyone with cancer.

Some of the participants weren’t too sick, as they might have been between rounds of chemo, receiving radiation only or simply tolerating the treatment well. Some were not so lucky. I worked with a woman who had no bellybutton because it was removed during a surgery. I worked with a man with no stomach and had to wear a backpack, which fed him constantly. I worked with people whose treadmill workout was two minutes long, at a half mile per hour. For some, getting to the gym was a workout. It was amazing for me to watch these people because, believe it or not, they progressed through the weeks. They got stronger, even while going through chemotherapy.

The people in the groups became friends with each other, laughed together, cried together, hugged each other, went to coffee together and called each other when someone unexpectedly didn’t show up. It was absolutely beautiful to watch, and I was honored to be a part of it.

After a couple of years, the program ended because of a lack of funds. That saddened me very much.

My dear friend who passed away this morning was one of the people in the group who inspired me and those around her. She’s one who came to workout consistently, sometimes with hair, sometimes without, sometimes with a big smile, sometimes with whatever smile she could muster up. But her spirit was always beautiful, and she was willing to do what she could to increase her strength and cheer on the others in the group.

I remember a woman once came up to me in the gym and said, “You know, Diane, I wasn’t feeling that great this morning so I was going to skip my workout. Then I thought of the group you work with and I thought to myself, if they can do it, so can I!” That touched my heart deeply.

Next time you don’t feel like exercising, you may want to think about my friend. Her name was Cara. Let her spirit inspire you to take care of your body. I know she would be delighted to inspire you.

By the way, the program is up and running again, through the Stuart C. Gildred YMCA, this time cosponsored by the Livestrong Foundation.