Anyone who’s been married for a while understands that marriage isn’t always easy. It can be wonderful, but sometimes it’s a challenge, sometimes it’s difficult and sometimes you may just feel like you want out. This is normal. People who have been “happily married” for decades, have not escaped times of heartbreak, disappointment, upset, frustration and anger. For a successful marriage, the good times must far outweigh the bad.

Putting each other as top priority is a key. This doesn’t mean giving up the things you love, and catering to your spouse’s every whim. It means genuinely caring for the other’s feelings, supporting them in their decisions, making time to do enjoyable things together on a regular basis, paying attention to each other, and doing things for one another as a sign of affection.

One issue I’ve heard over and over again, as a heart centered therapist and as a friend, is that women tend to give their children precedence over their husbands. Men sometimes prioritize work above spending time with their wives. This is understandable, but consider this: Children generally move out when they’re 18-25 years old, and careers end with retirement. Spouses have vowed to be together their entire lifetime!

When a partner feels like they’re low on the spouse’s priority list, it creates distance between the couple. This makes it more difficult to show affection, have fun together, or feel love toward each other. This can lead to an unhappy marriage.

When a married couple places each other as highest priority, they’re more apt to feel appreciated by the other, see eye to eye, work as a team, and stay together, providing a foundation for emotionally healthy kids.

Being happy with your partner makes it easier to be a good parent, so you actually do more for your children by working toward a strong marriage, than by providing more money or putting children as highest priority.

Of course I’m not suggesting child neglect, giving up hobbies or playing hooky from work. I’m recommending the use of babysitters once in a while, making a serious effort to be home from work at a decent hour, putting kids to bed at an appropriate time, and anything else you can think of to show your spouse they’re important to you.

Putting your spouse as number one in your life may do amazing things for your marriage. If you feel you need something more from your partner, figure out what you need and give more of that. If you need more attention, give your spouse more attention. If you need more affection, then give more affection. If you need something that your spouse doesn’t want or need from you, or if something simply isn’t working, choose a time when you’re both calm, and discuss it. Talk to each other kindly and gently, treating them with honor. Keep at it and you may be pleasantly surprised to find yourself as your partner’s number one priority.

When I was in high school, my parents would tell me things, and I would respond, “I know,” in a very sarcastic voice. I was extremely intelligent back then ... so I thought. On some level, I did know some of the things they tried to teach me. At least I knew the words.

But words of wisdom easily turn into clichés. “Children grow up quickly” and “Be thankful for your health” are words that make people think, “Yeah, yeah, yeah ... I know.” But isn’t it different when you learn these things through experience? Ask anyone who is in remission from cancer if they are thankful for their health. Ask any grandparent if children grow up quickly. We can learn things by knowing the words, but knowledge can go so much deeper. You know when you have achieved a deeper knowledge of a lesson when you start living differently because of it.


I recently deepened my knowledge of yoga to the point that it’s changing my yoga practice and my life. It happened when I attended a four-day yoga workshop, taught by highly esteemed, nationally and internationally known yoga gurus. It was an absolutely amazing experience.

This is where I truly learned that one of the best parts of yoga is that it offers opportunities to become aware of what occurs in our body. Challenging poses make it easy to be aware of the muscles used as we attempt them. But there are many subtleties that we can experience if we simply pay attention. For example, have you ever noticed how it feels when your shoulder blades slide over your back ribs when you move your shoulders? Did you know that if you press your feet deeper into the earth, it makes you stand taller? These are examples of things that are brought to awareness in yoga.

Yoga, at its best, can be an investigation and exploration of the happenings in your body when you make even a slight change to your position. It creates fun and excitement when you have an “ah, ha!” moment, learning that pressing through the ball mound of your big toe can make your knee feel better, or squeezing your shoulder blades together opens your chest.

Another deepening of a lesson I received from the workshop is that yoga should be a practice of preparing the body, by making it strong and flexible enough, to easily move into a pose, rather than forcing the body to do what you want it to do. Isn’t that a great life lesson, as well?

Yoga can be completely different things to different people, but let me tell you what it’s not. It’s not a religion, though it may deepen the beliefs you already have. It’s not simply exercise, though you might get in better shape because of it. It’s not just for weirdos, though you may start using words like, “allow,” “notice” and “breath.”

The poses are pretty consistent no matter where you learn them, but the approach can vary considerably, depending on your teacher. Try a few different teachers so you can choose the one you resonate with. Enjoy the exploration so you, too, can deeply learn the wonderful lessons that yoga has to offer.